In practical terms, this looks like associating with people by choice rather than out of mere convenience or proximity. Gone are the 2010s, when we all banded together because we drank green juice or listened to Arcade Fire.”  – Paul, Zeitville Substack

I just loved this observation from Paul, because this has been my entire life for the last ten years. I associated with people and organizations because it was convenient, it was close, or there was nothing else to do. I settled, and it was deeply unsatisfying. As the woman said after our eating meditation of the Hershey’s kiss, “It’s artificial, but it’s better than nothing.”

I no longer want better than nothing.

Better than nothing produces apathy and indifference. This has been a major A-ha moment for me. I am largely apathetic and indifferent about much of my life. It’s whatever. I’m not emotionally invested, and my mantra is to just get through it.

I started thinking about how I only attended a church because it was less than ten minutes from my house. It was because of convenience and proximity. It wasn’t because I was genuinely attached or felt called to be there. In fact, that’s why it is always so easy to leave these places. No skin in the game, and I’m indifferent because I know this ain’t it.

This ain’t it.

When you know this ain’t it, you may show up, but you’re not heavily invested. You’re not locked in; you’re just trying to make it through unscathed, and sure, it’s comfortable because there is no real risk of failure. You only risk failure when you care. The stakes are not high enough for you to give it your best shot.

Let me tell you something: THAT REALLY AIN’T IT.

For the last ten years, my fear of failure and possibly fear of success has held me back from being truly invested in my life. When I look back on my time at the church, I invested a lot of time and energy, but I never invested myself because there was no risk and no real stakes.

For a while, I thought this was unhealthy, but then someone said, “Why would you be connected to or invested in your life as it is right now?”

This ain’t it and you know it’s not!

Yes, I do.

An Addendum to the Year of Yes

In this year of my life, I no longer want to be apathetic about it, so I now have an important addendum to the Year of Yes.

Whatever I say Yes to this year has to be a genuine yes. I will no longer say yes out of obligation, out of convenience, or because there is nothing else to do.  My yes will be because I genuinely want to and because I am genuinely interested or curious.  I want my heart to be in it.

This goes for everything

  • Invitations to hang out
  • Events to hang out
  • Trips I want to take
  • Opportunities to ponder

I believe that by having a genuine YES, I will avoid apathy and the opportunity cost of missing out on something I actually want to do. It will also help me avoid putting my energy toward the wrong things.

I will no longer allow fear of failure to hold me back.

I will no longer allow fear of success to prevent me from taking big risks for big growth.

I need some skin in the game.

My heart needs to be in it.

Yes, to a Fresh Start

“Everyone deserves a fresh start”

I heard someone share that one of the most inspiring parts of a new school year is the fierce commitment of teachers giving students a fresh start. It doesn’t matter what happened last year; that is a fresh start, a new beginning, an opportunity to be someone different.

“Everyone deserves a fresh start,” she said. So often we get caught up in the stories of who we’ve been, what life has been like, and we think that nothing can ever change.

This is where I am right now. I know I’ve outgrown my life, and I know that I am (almost) ready for the next chapter, but I keep getting stuck in my past mistakes. I ruminate on my regrets and what I should have done. I mourn lost years and wasted time, but I cannot change the past. What’s done is done, and I can learn from those mistakes.

The Fall is the perfect time for a fresh start, because we’ve been wired for new beginnings in the fall: A new school year, new television shows and performing arts calendars, a new football season, and so on.

As I looked at my calendar for September, I saw a two-week stretch filled with activities and events that signal that something new is happening. The change is happening systematically and little by little, which bodes well for sustainability.

I’m not only saying Yes to a Fresh Start but also remaining open to what that looks like. This fresh start may not look like what I envisioned, or it may catch me completely off guard, but I’m saying yes to being pleasantly surprised.

Everyone deserves a fresh start and the chance to start over.

Just say Yes!