In the last week, I’ve become alarmed at how closed off I have become.

This week, I became conscious that I don’t miss or want physical human connection.  I realized how thick my walls have become. I feel better off without close physical contact. I don’t miss it or feel I need it.

I’m not an affectionate person to begin with, but I don’t believe this is healthy.

I’m closed off, and my walls are up. I told one of my friends that I don’t even meet people I would want to go to dinner with. My social confidence has plummeted, and I need a change of scenery

I also need to be open and have the courage to put myself out there again.

I hear the future calling: I am Open – Rebecca Rogers

Reconnecting with my real friends made me realize how closed off I’ve been to authentic and real connection.

What if the promised land is right in front of me?

Part of me always hoped I would get to leave San Francisco again. Subconsciously, I never even wanted to have a serious relationship because I didn’t want another reason to be stuck here in the Bay Area.

I never saw San Francisco as somewhere I wanted to live and put down roots.  Even now, I am untethered from my life here in the Bay Area.

I don’t have a job that sets me up for retirement, provides me with a great future, or gives me a great lifestyle.  It’s something that I want to move on from yesterday.

I don’t have a social group or real friends that I’m attached to that live here. People talk about dating, but I don’t even meet anyone I would want to go out to dinner with!

I like the writing program I am in through UC Berkeley Extension, but it’s online, and I can do that from anywhere.

I look at San Francisco as the wilderness. It’s where I have to travel through on my way to the Promised Land, but then I had a jarring thought: What if San Francisco is the Promised Land?

What if I’m untethered right now because something new is forming, and it could be forming right here in the Bay Area.

I feel like my life is cleaning house right now. The right people are coming back into my life and getting into their right seats. I haven’t felt any pull to join groups or form deep connections because I am not interested in being part of anything for convenience, proximity, or boredom.

One of my wise friends says, “We have to empty the vessel before it can be filled again.” Another wise person says, “Arrive empty, and you shall be filled.”

I’m open.

I’m open to life not looking the way I thought it would.

I’m open to meeting new and great people here in the Bay Area who will become real friends.

I’m open to meeting and forming a team with people who do live here in the Bay Area.

I’m open to meeting and forming a team with people who may not live in the Bay Area, but live in another state or even another country because that’s the nature of the business and our lives.

I’m open to an unconventional lifestyle.

For the last twenty years, I have settled for a life that I never attached myself to.

The only good thing about settling is that I’m not invested, and my heart isn’t in it, so my heart isn’t broken.

The worst part of settling is the regret of wasted time and energy, and knowing I settled.

This is how I developed my new life motto: Never settle for the short stick!

I’m open to not settling this time around.

I’m open to the future

I’m open to the fact that what I want is possible.