The Covid-19 pandemic has been rough on women.

Women have had to figure out how to balance both educating their children with distance learning while still doing their jobs from home. (If they are even lucky enough to have a job where they can work from home)

Many women have had to drop out of the workforce altogether as they take on full-time childcare responsibilities. Women who do not have the privilege of “work from home jobs” have had to go into work as “essential workers” that pay meager wages despite the health hazards of the pandemic.

Women dominate the service and hospitality industries. Many of those jobs are gone due to shutdowns and business closures.

There were still 4.5 million fewer women employed in October than there were a year ago, compared with 4.1 million men.

And according to the Census Bureau, a third of the working women 25 to 44 years old who are unemployed said the reason was child care demands. Only 12 percent of unemployed men cited those demands. (Source New York Times)

The above statistics do not capture the toll that trying to “balance it all” or not being able to support a family has on mental, emotional, and physical health.  A disturbing trend among Japanese women points to a potential worldwide crisis that needs to be addressed.

A Looming Crisis for women

Female suicide in Japan soared more than 80% in October  2020 compared with October 2019.

According to an article on CBS News.com

Younger women — overrepresented in part-time and non-regular work — have been disproportionately hurt by pandemic-driven layoffs and shutdowns in Japan. 

In surveys carried out by Professor Michiko Ueda of Tokyo’s Waseda University, one-third of females under 40 reported job losses and significant hits to their income, compared to just 18% of their male counterparts.  (Source CBS News.com)

Why are these women killing themselves?

“The biggest reason is women are losing work and don’t know how to support themselves and their families,” says Koki Ozora who runs a counseling service for teens and 20 somethings in Japan. (Source CBS News.com)

This should serve as a warning to the rest of the world. For too long we have neglected the realities that working women face.  We have also fed generations of women lies that their ultimate fulfillment and identity is in their careers.

Women with families have been encouraged to “Lean in” at work but in times of crisis (like a once-in-a-generation pandemic)  how can we effectively lean in at work and also “lean in” our families?

Something has got to give.

Melissa Orr is the author of the book Lean Out and she makes so many great points about women, work, ambition, and the realities of a single working Mom of three.

What do you really want?

The author of the Book Lean Out Melissa Orr says that the question we as women must ask is: What do we really want?

Perhaps we don’t want to all be CEO’s or in the C-Suite in a corner office.
One statistic that Orr cites that I find fascinating is that a significant number of men don’t want to be CEOs because of the demand it would make on family time.

As Orr points out, there are no initiatives or campaigns questioning men’s ambition because they don’t want to be CEO’s.  It’s naturally assumed they have a good reason for not wanting the job but it’s assumed that a woman doesn’t want the job because she’s not ambitious enough.

The author of Lean Out shares that when asked what she really wanted during her time at Google it wasn’t the promotion that she was expected to be working toward.  She asked for what she really wanted (more money) and she got it.

What would happen if we asked women what they really wanted?

We have fed several generations of women the lie that their ultimate fulfillment and identity is in their work.

They should be “Leaning in” to build careers and make lots of money because that’s the ultimate goal for a career woman.

What about single moms? What about women who cannot “Lean in” because they have to care for aging parents?  What about women who decide that they would rather focus on raising a family than building a career?

What happens when the whole economy shifts due to once in a generation pandemic?

Covid-19 and the business of working women

I have believed for years that women were sold a bill of goods when it came to “having it all”.

To quote the Fabulous Michelle Obama on the subject of “Having it all”  and “Leaning In”

“Marriage still ain’t equal, y’all,” she said, according to Vanity Fair. “It ain’t equal. I tell women that whole ‘you can have it all’ — mmm, nope, not at the same time, that’s a lie. It’s not always enough to lean in because that s*** doesn’t work.” (Source NPR)

The women who tout having it all usually “have it all” with a lot of help whether it’s a stay at home partner, Nannies, sitters, etc.

As Melissa Orr so brilliantly points out in Lean Out, women who preach about women having it all aren’t necessarily looking to solve the problems of women who are struggling with work, childcare, and other issues but they are looking to promote themselves, their agenda, and build platforms for themselves.

Better than Leaning in: Support systems

Instead of encouraging women to Lean In let’s encourage women to build support systems that will help them walk through challenging times.

Instead of being so focused on climbing the corporate ladder and individual success we should have been focused on building communities to support women and families.

Many Black women have always worked but they also had support networks such as extended family, neighborhood aunties, and uncles, church members, etc. who were able to pitch in with childcare and other household duties.

When I see these sad stories of women committing suicide because they don’t know how they will support themselves or their families, I ask myself “Where is their community to help them?”

Have we been so self-focused and self-centered we no longer emphasize building relationships and community?

This time of sheltering in place and being in isolation mode during Covid-19 has made me realize how shallow and superficial many of our communities and relationships have been.

What do you really want?

I hope that as Women begin to Lean Out of forcing themselves to accept someone else’s definition of success they ask themselves themselves

“What do you really want? What really matters?”

It’s okay to Lean Out from a Career and Lean in to building support networks and communities that will be a tremendous support when the world undoubtedly goes through another time of uncertainty and upheaval.