What is a Life Stage 

There used to be a world where one would graduate from college in her early 20’s, find a career, get married, and have children.

There was an expectation that this would happen somewhere around age 25 and those who were really pushing it might wait until 30.

As a woman hit the old maid age of 35, hope would start to die on the vine because biological clocks began to tick louder and louder and what once seemed like an inevitable part of life (marriage and family) now becomes a possibility or an option.

It is generally accepted that in the Twenty-First century adolescence doesn’t end at 18 and the markers of adulthood are changing.

During the 2020 Covid-19 Pandemic and subsequent economic fallout saw many Young Adults move back home with their parents.

The coronavirus outbreak has pushed millions of Americans, especially young adults, to move in with family members. The share of 18- to 29-year-olds living with their parents has become a majority since U.S. coronavirus cases began spreading early this year, surpassing the previous peak during the Great Depression era. (Source Pew Research)

There are countless articles about why this is but I believe that it is a signal we need to stop allowing age to limit or define our choices and definitions of success. Instead, we should begin to honor the stages of life we are in.

What if we stopped looking at age as markers of when we should hit markers such as careers, marriage, and children?

I spent my 20’s exploring and developing my career as a Fitness  Professional.  I learned so much about the body, health, aging, and working with different types of people.

In my early to mid 30’s I began to write, blog, and I even decided to start my own business with a vision of what type of life I wanted.

In my later 30’s I have begun to understand that all of the work I had been doing was to build up my skill set.  I have many interests and my skill set was being developed for those interests.

I became self-employed in my 30’s because I wanted more flexibility in my career. In the back of my mind, I knew it was eventually because I do want to be married and raise my family.

Everything in my professional life is currently flowing into place but I am not married yet but that’s also the new normal.

Marriage is on a downward trend in the United States.

The U.S. marriage rate fell 6% in 2018, with 6.5 new unions formed for every 1,000 people, according to a report by the National Center for Health Statistics. That was the lowest rate since the federal government began keeping data in 1867, said Sally Curtin, a statistician at the center and lead author of the report. (Source: Wall Street Journal)

As I get older this does produce some anxiety because I wonder if time has passed me by even though many of my friends are getting married “late”.

After an unfortunate meltdown in my OB/GYN’s office, she told me that a large part of her first time Mamas are over 35 and there are many first time Mamas who are over 40 especially where I live in the Bay Area.

After my last birthday, I started thinking about how I don’t “feel” my age.  I definitely attribute most of that to my lifestyle choices such as: eating nutritious foods, avoiding excessive alcohol intake, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

The other part is due to my mindset.  I don’t believe in allowing age to limit or define my choices but as I get older I do notice the “Am I too old?” question beginning to creep in.

Am I too old?

Finding a Life Partner

First, let me take on the subject of finding a partner.

I’ve had to address the issue of age when I become curious about someone because I’ll think to myself. “He’s just too young for me.”

But why is he too young? Immaturity and poor values aren’t limited to younger people.

Is it because I’m afraid of what people think?

If I were a man, then this would not even be a topic of discussion but as women, we’re conditioned to believe desirability and attractiveness lessen with age so we limit ourselves from even believing a younger man would find us attractive presently and what will happen in ten years? Will he trade us in for a younger model?

A man trading his wife in for a younger model says more about values and ethics than it does about age.

I’ve come to the decision that rather than focus on a potential partner’s age, I would much rather focus on his maturity level, emotional health, and value system.  If he happens to be younger, then let’s roll with it.

Taking on New Career Challenges

No longer are we pigeonholed into one career for their entire lives. We’re encouraged to explore new careers and new skill sets because we live in such a dynamic and uncertain economy.

I find myself in this place now and I continue to remind myself that career trajectories are no longer fixed the way they once were.

There are no certain outcomes, promotions, and titles.

I’m in a Life Stage where I am very intentional about my career choices because I know that I cannot have it all at the same time.  I’m fine with that and so I know that laying the groundwork may not look like success on the outside and again the question when exploring career changes is:

Is it because I care about what people think?

Do I want to have the appearance of success because a person at my age should be at a certain stage of life?

I was part of the Millennial generation that was told they could do anything and be anything and everyone seemed to believe they could do this all by age 35 and they were failures if it didn’t happen that way.

If the Covid-19 Pandemic of 2020 taught us anything, then it was that there is no such thing as certainty and that careers can change in an instant.

Life stages and not Age

I think we all need to look at our lives in terms of the stage of life we are in and not in terms of our chronological age because limiting ourselves based on age teaches us to embrace fixed mindset beliefs.

Common Fixed Mindset Beliefs

I’m too old to take risks 

I’m too old to learn to new things

I can’t because I’ve never done it before…

People my age shouldn’t do that

I can’t because people will judge me

Instead, we want to take on Growth Mindset beliefs that encourage learning and improvement.

Growth Mindset Beliefs

It’s okay to fail and take risks

Learning does involve hard work

I have room to grow

It’s empowering to take on new challenges

Learning is a lifetime endeavor

It doesn’t matter what YOU THINK (*courtesy The ROCK*)

No Certainty

If the year 2020 taught us anything, then it taught us that there is no such thing as certainty (well except for Death and Taxes).  Everything that we thought was a “sure thing” turned out not to be a sure thing after all and many of our norms and expectations radically changed.

One of my biggest lessons learned during the 2020 Covid-19 Pandemic is that I no longer need to define my life by my age or previous social norms but instead by what stage of life I am in and what my current objectives are.

The freedom this brings allows growth and possibilities that I cannot even see yet.

That is what living life looks like to me.