It was my turn to choose this month’s selection for my book club, and I chose These Heathens by Mia McKenzie. It resonated deeply with me. This book is about many things, but its central theme is the freedom and right to choose a different life from what we’ve always known.

Doris Steele is a young Black woman living in a small town in the segregated South of 1960s Georgia. Her world is limited to religion and caring for her family because those were the only options available to her.

As Doris navigates a personal crisis, she realizes that a different life is possible for her, too. Against the backdrop of the burgeoning civil rights movement (with key historical figures appearing), she is introduced to a new world of educated, well-to-do Black people in Atlanta, broadening her perspective on what is possible.

These Heathens resonated deeply with me because over the last several years, I have felt trapped and limited in my life. Of course, everyone was literally trapped and constrained in 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Ever since the COVID pandemic, my world felt as if it were continually constricting.

I am now at a pivotal moment in my life, embracing the freedom to make choices that will lead to a different life than the one I’ve been living because of my self-imposed limitations.

I am free to choose the life I want

At the beginning of 2024, I told people that I was bored with my life.  Boredom was part of the problem, but the root issue was that I missed feeling like I had choices in my life.

I felt stuck for several reasons.

  • I had outgrown my career, and I was ready to do something different
  • My work environment was dull. I had no peers, mentors, or opportunities for professional growth.
  • My sole social outlet was attending and serving at church, and it was unfulfilling.
  • I missed my real friends
  • I missed having a diverse group of connections and being around people who enjoy life
  • I missed having new experiences and adventures.

I was deeply unhappy, and I blamed my environment for my unhappiness. Of course, that was a contributing factor, but the main factor in my unhappiness was myself and my self-imposed limitation of believing that I did not have a choice in the life I wanted to live.

Reading These Heathens reminded me that I am free to choose the life I want. Like Doris Steele, I had broader exposure to the world before COVID, which fed my hunger for a different life. Unfortunately, over the past several years, I chose to settle for a life I thought made sense rather than the unconventional life I know I am supposed to live.

 The influence of Religion

Religion is a major theme in the book These Heathens because the church and religion were the most significant influences in young Doris Steele’s life. I would venture to guess that for most Black women thirty-five and older, this is still true today.

Religion teaches people that their lives will make sense if they follow the rules, check the boxes, and maintain the appearance of being good people.  Life is far more complicated and nuanced than following rules, checking boxes, and keeping up appearances with performative Christianity.

I got so involved in the church system because I wanted my life to make sense by following a simple formula for checking the boxes, but that simple formula showed me everything that I DON’T want.

Life has shown me that living by rigid rules, checking boxes, and doing  “everything right”  is no guarantee. You can still end up with a life you don’t want.

Moving on from the church system

I have tried three times as an adult to “get plugged in” at churches and serve, and each time it ended the same way. This last time around, I was so involved with the church that at one point, I was a contracted employee.

My experience in the church system is that it teaches congregants they have no power, so they become passive while they’re “praying about it,” and life passes them by.

According to the Bible, being passive as a believer is incorrect theology because, as those who are born again in Christ, we are supposed to have the Spirit of the Living God inside of us. This enables us to operate on a different playing field. Jesus said himself that his followers would do greater works than he did. (John 14:12).

Through God, all things are possible, but maybe not in real life

Doris observes that most of the religious people she knew said that through God all things are possible, but she had never seen anyone live as if they actually believed it.

That observation hit me so hard because I believe the same thing: Lots of talk about faith and the God of the impossible, but very little evidence that people believe it. When I talk to a lot of “Christians” here in the United States, their faith seems to be limited to what they can achieve themselves or they are passively waiting for something to happen.

Again, this is contrary to the scriptures, because believers in the Gospels or in the book of Acts do not live passive, safe, and dull lives. The early church experienced many miracles, signs, and wonders because it believed in a Supernatural God. The church in the United States has limited God to politics, money, cars, clothes, and being comfortable.

In my devotional time this week, I prayed to be a woman who believes that, through God, all things are possible and who lives like it!

This next era of my life is like a blank canvas, and I have the freedom to make choices that will unlock my destiny.

What am I going to choose?

I don’t know.

The most confounding aspect of my life right now is that, if you ask me what my next moves are, I simply do not know.

Don’t get it twisted: I am not sitting by passively doing nothing. I’m doing many things to get my house in order.

  • Reconnecting with my real friends and connections I lost contact with
  • Taking writing classes
  • Writing and posting weekly on various sites
  • Developing systems for my personal life
  • Completing the Google Project Management certification
  • Working out
  • Getting my finances in order.
  • Gaining Clarity about joining a great team

Don’t settle for the short stick.

My goal is to be ready so that I have a choice when opportunities arise, rather than feeling trapped, stuck, and obligated to choose the short stick.

After the last few years of disappointment and hard times, I developed the life philosophy of, Don’t Settle for the Short Stick.  Even though life may seem easier and more comfortable, settling for the short stick just brings more disappointment and harder times.

I am grateful to be a Black woman in 2026 because I have more choices than previous generations did, and I pray that I honor their sacrifices by choosing a life that is generous and enriching. I pray that I honor God by living a life worthy of my calling and demonstrating true faith.