As we approach the second half of 2021, I find myself at a mental crossroads.

I attribute some of this to celebrating a milestone birthday in August and coming to terms with the symbolism of this milestone year but I believe the upheaval and uncertainty of 2020  have also played a significant role.

I will be honest: I thought by this age my life would look very different.  I was sure that I would be working in some type of corporate outfit, more than likely divorced with 1-2 children (I never was one for too much commitment), and hobnobbing among the important.

It hasn’t worked out like that.

I am self-employed (Hey I did eventually want to own my own business), I’ve never been married (and while I would like to be, I don’t wish to be divorced), and I don’t have children (yet).  I’ve met some very important and connected people and been in interesting situations but I know now that trying to be important is really not for me.

So I’m here in 2021 looking at the second half and thinking about what my assignments are and how I am going to get there.

No Strive, No Strain

When my clients stretch, I tell them “No strive, no strain”.  While I want people to stretch, I do not want them straining and forcing their bodies into position.  This defeats the purpose of relaxing the tissue and increasing the range of motion.

This is how I feel about my life. If I’ve learned anything in my 30’s, then it’s that when I try to FORCE my way into things and make situations fit my narrative it is a failure but when I let go and relax, then there is much more success.  I learned this by being self-employed and signing up for business coaching and I’ve also learned it when it comes to romantic relationships.

The best way to go about physical stretching is to let go and allow the tissue to relax at its own pace.  When it comes to life, it is the same principle: It’s best to relax, let go, and allow it to happen naturally.

As I approach my August birthday, it’s not lost on me that there are certain biological factors that continue to lessen my chances for some of my desires.  However, I do not feel any urgency to try to strive and strain to make it happen. I’ve seen far too many women my age (and even younger) try to make fetch happen by trying to assign a narrative to a situation that they created or forced because they were afraid of not becoming mothers or getting married by a certain age.

I just can’t do it.

I just think being married is too much of an assignment, too much of a calling, too much of an investment to try to make up a story and sell it when I know it’s not true.

In the last year, I’ve let go.  I’ve let go of a lot of my narratives, my expectations, and this idea that I need to strive and strain to create a lifelong relationship.

It’s liberating and yet it’s uncertain.  I’m rolling the dice but I believe that as all great things in my life have happened, it will reveal itself through clues and with me deciding to say yes and walk forward.

Let it Go

As we approach the second half of 2021, I keep repeating the phrase “Tighten Up”.

I want to tighten up my schedule.  I’m someone who has a variety of interests and I tend to get myself involved in a number of different activities.

I’ve felt an urge to let go of some activities because I don’t want to overstay my welcome and I want to be a woman who knows when it’s the end of an assignment and the end of a season.

In the past, I’ve held on to things for too long out of obligation, fear of disappointing others, or out of habit.  These days I want to be intentional about what I’m doing and making sure that it’s in alignment with my intended outcomes.

There is freedom in letting go of activities and assignments that are over.

There is freedom in letting go of the egotistical burden that says, “I can’t give it up. Nobody else will step up or nobody else can do it as well as I can.”

Listen, someone else will step up, and sometimes new people cannot step up because we’re in the way. I wonder how many groups and organizations are in a rut because people did not move out of the way when it was time for someone else to step up.

Let people step up and make their own mistakes because if we are honest we didn’t do it well when we started either so give people a chance to learn and grow into roles.  We also should not act like we have all of the secret knowledge and hoard it for ourselves.  Let’s teach others what we know and encourage them to step out.

When we have this mindset, then it is much easier to let go.

Move on and Make Room

As we leave the first half of 2021, here are my three questions:

  • Where do you need to spend your time?
  • What do you need to move on from?
  • How can you make room in your life for the more?

I need to spend my time coaching, training, studying, writing, and building sustainable relationships.

I need to move on from some of my commitments that were assignments for a season and I also need to move on from whatever age-related limitations that I’ve placed on myself.

I will make room in my life by eliminating that which isn’t in alignment with this season (no matter how much I enjoy it).

I will make room in my life by eliminating these preconceived ideas and formulas that people attempt to impose on me.

If 2020 taught us anything, then it was to not take what we enjoy and our missions for granted because it can all change in an instant.  2020 taught me that adaptation, innovation, and evolution are necessary skills for each of us to have as we move through this dynamic force called life.

Here’s to the rest of 2021…May the odds be ever in our Favor!