My client offered my sister and me tickets to the Warriors Game, and for one brief moment, I considered saying no. I had some great excuses in my head: It was a weeknight, and I had to get up the next morning.

Are you kidding? It’s the Warriors!

It’s funny how when you’re used to saying No to everything, the FIRST place your brain goes is to make excuses for why you should NOT do something, but this is the year of Yes.

This gift meant a lot to us because my mother was a huge Steph Curry and Steve Kerr fan. She never forgave Kevin Durant for making unfavorable comments to both Steph and Coach Kerr. My sister and I both laughed when we got there during the warm-ups, and Draymond Green was on the court.  “Traymond,” as my mother called him, was shooting free throws.  He got called for a foul, and we both could hear my mom shouting, “Traymond! Traymond! Calm Down!”

We were so grateful to my client and her husband for their generosity.  I had mentioned to my client that this was a bucket list item for us, and when she was unable to attend the game, she thought of us.  This was such a gift to us both, and we truly appreciated it.

Booked and Busy

In her book The Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes said that each time she said yes to an opportunity, she gained new friends and new experiences and found herself getting involved in projects she never would have dreamed she would be part of.

And as busy as she was during the Year of Yes, she felt like she had more free time than ever; She realized she’d been wasting a huge amount of time and energy on complaining and feeling sorry for herself.

Same.

For the first time in a really long time. I have quite a bit on my calendar of activities and events that I enjoy.

I have wasted a large amount of time complaining and ruminating in regret, but now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am seeing my close friends and inner circle in view, and that is energizing me. I understand that the next steps involve getting creative, getting connected, and getting outside in the world.

There is hope. All is not lost. It ain’t over.

Even last fall, there was an internal shift. My world was starting to expand again. I was ready to let go of the constricted, rigid, and boxed-in life I had limited myself to.

Yes is the gateway to action

It feels like more exciting things have happened in the last month than have happened in the last five years.  While that may not be true, it certainly feels like it. What’s the difference?

Action.

You say yes +You take action = things start happening.

As  Atomic Habits author James Clear says, “Movement changes your state. And when your state changes, your perspective changes. New solutions appear. You notice options that were invisible when your mind was stuck running the same loop.”

The Year of Yes is opening up doors and presenting options that I did not know existed because I was closed off and constricted.

Yes is the gateway to action.

The Year of Yes is about normalizing my abnormal life

I don’t want to be normal.

I have tried to be normal several times throughout my life, because I thought that was what I should want and who I should become, but it just doesn’t work for me.

This last stint at the church was my final attempt at trying to fit in with a religious community. It has always ended the same way for me. This time, I was so all in that I ended up working at the church. I tried so hard to believe that I could live a life dedicated to the church, with little room for variation or stimulation. I tried really hard to believe that a constricted and restrictive life was for me, and it is not.

Perhaps even as I mourned the loss of my mother, I also mourned the loss of what I thought my life was going to look like. I don’t have a check-the-boxes kind of life with a great job, house, a husband, and kids. I did make an unwise career choice, and that is the part I regret most. I know I am capable of much more, and I should have let go of the fear to change careers a long time ago and moved on to a career that is both financially lucrative and intellectually stimulating. Unrealized potential is painful, and so is inadequate retirement planning.

I don’t regret being unmarried because I know I would have settled for whoever was there at the time just to look normal. Chances are, I would have thrown up the deuces on the marriage and shipwrecked more than just my life. Other people would have been affected by my decision to settle for a life I did not want. I am glad that did not happen.

Anecdotally, I have noticed something fascinating

The people in marriages and relationships I would never want seem to see being unmarried as a character flaw, and they have all kinds of unhelpful advice. Honestly, the more they talk, the more red flags I have added to my list of what I DON’T want in a marriage.

People in what I consider healthy marriages do not have much to offer in the way of advice, except that it’s good that you didn’t marry anyone you didn’t love, and when you’re ready, you’ll know it. Their advice is always uplifting, and I find myself asking them how they were so intentional in their partnership and even in raising their families, because their grown kids love to hang out with them! That is always a good sign.

I get the feeling their advice is so rich because those in healthy partnerships and marriages know the pleasures of not only loving their spouse but also liking them as human beings. They know the rewards of sharing your life with someone you respect and want to do life with. They understand it is worth waiting for that rather than settling for whoever is there at the time.

The year of yes is saying yes to normalizing being abnormal and having an abnormal life. It’s saying yes to not wanting my life to look like everyone else’s. I feel like the man I would choose to partner with wouldn’t be all that normal either. Maybe he’s got an unconventional career. Maybe it requires us to live a different life that is not normal, but is adventurous and works for us.

This year of yes is opening my mind to what’s possible and reminding me that I don’t have to be stifled.