I am reading Shonda Rhimes’ book, Year of Yes, and it is extremely timely for me. It’s a fun read, and I am looking forward to chronicling my adventures during my own Year of Yes.

“Losing yourself does not happen all at once. It happens one No at a time.” – Shonda Rhimes

True that. I lived in a world of No for the last few years

No to music I loved
No to connecting with people outside of the church
No to events that had nothing to do with the church
No to what makes me feel good
No to new opportunities
No to trying something new
No to switching careers
No to beauty, makeup, fashion
No no no

I wonder if that was why I was on my phone so much. Because I am saying no to what I actually want and what makes me feel good, I settle for the phone because it does give me dopamine, but it isn’t satisfying. As was said in that Geneen Roth workshop I attended years ago, the dopamine from the phone was artificial, but it was better than nothing.

As Shonda so wisely states in The Year of Yes,

“Any actual parts of me, anything real, anything human, anything honest, I kept to myself. I was a very good girl. I did what everyone needed me to do.”

Like Shonda, I also used to be vibrant. These last ten years have turned that down. My spark is gone, too. I can’t just blame COVID because it’s been gone since around 2015-16.

When I think about that great run in my life from 2000-14, it happened because I was saying yes to things I only dreamed about.

A prime example

Pre-COVID, I used to take classes at a studio, and I was very sad when it never reopened. I stayed on the owner’s email list, and I always enjoy her inspiring messages. I wrote back to her after one of her recent messages in which she shared about the hardships she faced. She wrote back a short note of appreciation.

This woman is hosting a workshop in February about igniting the fire within, and I thought, “I really should go because I need to stoke my inner flame.”
Then I came up with so many dumb excuses about why I didn’t want to go. It’s across town, I need to take the bus because there is no parking, I have to carry my mat with me, blah blah blah.

The more excuses I came up with, the more I realized I was being ridiculous. I was going to get a chance to work out with this woman for the first time in six years, I need to reconnect with my body, and I am focused on changing my environment.

Maybe part of changing my environment involves taking the bus.

I signed up, and I am going to the workshop.

One of the reasons my life has become so boring, dry, and uninteresting is that I say ‘No’ to things I am actually interested in and would like to do.

How come I didn’t say no to getting overly involved at that church? I thought that was what I was supposed to be going for, and that my involvement would give me the answers to life I was seeking.

My Two Criteria for The Year of Yes

Say yes if it aligns with my path forward

**Say yes if it scares me**
This is the one right here. If it scares me, then I MUST say yes. It’s been so long since I have voluntarily done anything that scares or challenges me in a meaningful way.

It’s Not about the Thing

I have accomplished so many of my goals, and it often feels anticlimactic if not hollow. One of the signs of maturity is realizing that it is not about the thing you want. It’s about the process of getting there.

If you’re in business, it’s not about accomplishing your sales goals. It’s about the habits, strategies, skills, and relationships you developed along the way.

If you’ve gotten out of debt, then. It’s about the discipline, restraint, and strategy you employed to get there.

If you’ve accomplished a career milestone, then it’s about the learning, growth, failures, and obstacles you’ve overcome to get there.

If you’re in a healthy relationship, then it’s about the investment into one another you’ve made for that to happen.

Church people often annoy me because they focus on praying for “the thing” rather than on the process that needs to happen to receive what they’re asking for. People who pray for big ministries but are consistently unprepared, are haphazard in their execution of everything, and refuse to listen to wise counsel. They do not realize that if they want a big ministry, they will need a lot of help from competent people, and competent people will not stay around for constant chaos due to lack of preparation and refusal to listen. Instead of praying about the big ministry, they should pray about going through the process of becoming a competent leader.

During my five-day fast, I realized I am not praying for the things anymore. I am praying about my mindset to receive “the things”. I need to work on my confidence so that I do not allow my fears of inadequacy and impostor syndrome to rob me of the “things” through self-sabotage.

After my fast, I understood that the most confident thing I can do is to receive “the things” without argument.

What are my next actions?

“You can’t make time go faster, or success come sooner. The only thing you can control is the next action.” – James Clear

My word for 2026 is alignment, and my next action is to bring people back into my life and cultivate our beloved community.

It’s the people who are missing.

Over the break, I realized that what’s missing are the people in my life whom I truly value, love, and who energize my life. That is what is missing in my life and what will make the biggest difference at this point.

Today I felt a strong nudge to reach out to one of my favorite people in the world, and she told me she was thinking of me, too. The next era of my life cannot happen without those whom I truly love. This is why my life has felt so dry, empty, and gray. The people are missing.

My plan is to reach out to one person each week to reconnect because I want these people back in my life.

Once that happens, everything else will begin to align.