“I can’t believe people watch this drivel and I have to go without my Golden Girls reruns for a whole month of this foolishness,” I would rant during the Hallmark Christmas movie marathons in December.

I thought these movies were ridiculous and I couldn’t understand why people liked them…until last summer when one of the movies caught my attention.

After the movie ended, I realized I had learned a valuable lesson: Everyone’s love story is different and it’s best not to overthink and compare your story to someone else’s.

“If I could learn that from one movie, then maybe I should keep watching,” I thought to myself.

As the Christmas season approached, I admitted on Facebook that I had fallen hook, line, and sinker for the Hallmark Christmas movies.  Sure, they were absolutely predictable, corny, and unrealistic but I always found some nugget of wisdom in them.

I’m still not sure what got into me to produce such a radical change, but I have convinced that I’m on a journey that will culminate in utilizing my 90’s R&B collection.

These are my Top Romance Lessons from my Hallmark Movie Tutorials

  • Embrace the Slow Burn
  • There’s always some type of obstacle or conflict for the couple to overcome
  • Listen to the wise sages that cross your path
  • You save the kiss for the end of the movie

Embrace the Slow Burn

I’ll be honest: I’m not a big believer in Love at First Sight unless it involved Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson but I don’t think that counts.

Have you noticed that when it comes to our friendships, we don’t say “We were friends at first sight” because we like to get to know people and find out that we have common interests.

C.S. Lewis said in his book The Four Loves

Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice.  Those who have nothing can share nothing. Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers.  Friendship is born at the moment where we say “WHAT! You too? I thought that no one but myself”

The couples in Hallmark Movies don’t fall in love within the first 5 minutes.  It is often over the course of the entire 2 hours that as characters get to know one another and find common threads that the romance begins to burn slow.

The characters often don’t realize they’re completely in love with the other person until the end of the movie.  There is usually a dramatic profession of love by one of the characters who decide to take a risk and then the other person says “ME TOO!!”

Take Your Time, Do it Right, and Take a risk

It takes time for many of us to feel comfortable, safe, and vulnerable with another person. I know I need more than 5 minutes to open up and allow another person to see all of me fully and transparently.  This goes for all relationships and not just romantic relationships.

When it comes to my love journey, I have decided to embrace the slow burn. I would much rather engage in friendship and then let the fire build over time. After that one brave soul will have to take the risk, admit the truth to me, and then I’ll co-sign dramatically and break into song.

I’m all about sustainability and I prefer a slow burn over a wildfire that leaves nothing but destruction in its path.

There’s always a conflict or obstacle to overcome

Whether it’s the career woman who has to decide whether or not she wants to move back to her small hometown to save the 300-year-old family farm or the man who has to decide to fess up and tell the teacher he’s fallen in love with that he’s really the Prince of Lostbekistan, there’s always some type of conflict or obstacle for the couple to overcome.

There’s no such thing as a perfect love story because there are no perfect people and life is messy.

My takeaway with the conflicts and obstacles are that I need to:

a) Be CLEAR about what I want in my life

b) CHOOSE to GO or STAY

c) Make it work if I decide to stay

It is not about whether or not there will be obstacles and conflict to overcome, because that’s going to happen, but deciding that this love is worth it.

Listen to the Wise Sages that cross your path

There’s always a scene in these movies where the lovestruck character has a heart to heart with a wise person in their life who encourages them to see a different perspective or to remind them of their values.

We all need wisdom spoken into our lives when it comes to making big decisions about anything. I have a diverse group of people in my life that I affectionately call my “Board of Directors” that I can ask about a variety of topics.

Different directors counsel me on different things. When something isn’t clicking with me, I’m able to go to them and seek advice.

When it comes to relationships, we really do need wisdom, and we need it from credible people. My two cents: Seek out those in HEALTHY long-term relationships for advice. Let them share their experiences, struggles, and see what you learn.

My directors for the relationship part of my life give me sound advice and have helped me clarify and remain focused.

Insider Tip: You’ll know when the wise sage crosses your path. Here’s one big clue: Their advice will be the complete opposite of the single people in your life!

Save the Kiss for the end of the movie

Since nobody is ripping each other’s clothes off during Hallmark movies, the characters have to talk to each other…a lot.  They have to get to know one another without physical contact.

Imagine that….having to listen to someone’s thoughts and be interested in what they’re talking about.  You know you may be in the right ballpark if you enjoy spending time with them and talking…a lot….with your clothes on.

Even though Hallmark generally saves the kiss to the end of the movie they are becoming more risque these days.

A few weeks ago a viewer commented on Twitter that the Hallmark Channel is heading to the den of iniquity because the couple kissed halfway during the movie and didn’t wait until the end!

These were the tutorials I needed

Part of me wonders if I needed to justify why I was watching these movies by turning them into a learning experience so that I don’t feel like I’m completely wasting my time.

Yet I know that these were the tutorials that I needed in the romance department.  I needed to shift my thinking toward relationships and these stories, as silly and predictable they are helped me in that process.

There’s a reason these movies resonate with so many women (and men who aren’t forced by their girlfriends to watch these movies).

I believe a large reason is that we all want to believe in the possibilities of creating our own romantic story whether we are single or already in a relationship.

Each story is unique and beautiful in its own way.

To Love and all its Possibilities!