I was watching one of my weekly allotted trashy television shows, and one of the women had her session with a trainer after a 40 pound weight gain in about 8 months.

Let me preface this by saying this woman is going through a rough time emotionally.  Another woman on the program made some very serious allegations about her marriage, her marriage appeared to be very shaky due to her husband having an affair, and she’s dealing with her changing hormones at the age of 52.

So during this session with this “trainer” the guy has her take off her shirt to take pictures.  His response, “Ohhh. Yikes.  Oooh”.  He then goes on to ask her about what her husband thinks of her weight gain because, “he is very fit and a rockstar”.

 

He also tells her how disappointed she should be in herself because she has gained weight. Never once did he ask her about what is going on in her life that is causing this insatiable appetite for food.  (This wasn’t the tone of their session) and I didn’t hear anything empowering or encouraging for her next steps aside from let’s go on a diet and exercise.

This is also what is wrong with the Fitness Industry today.

Fitness has become a burden and another measuring stick for women to believe they are not good enough instead of a tool for self-care and to help them become empowered and confident.

Health and Wellness has become another measuring stick of, “I’m not good enough”

I wish I could say that this “holistic professional” was an anomaly but I have gone to fitness conferences where the speaker gets up and says, “Well if a woman is feeling insecure about her body and the husband is looking at other women, you can sell them this 12 week Bikini Bootcamp so that they can save their marriage.”

WHAT?!  This is some nonsense if I ever heard it.  Sadly, though many women believe this malarkey.  They think if they lose weight, then their problems will be solved and they will be enough for the marriage.  It’s not true!

If someone has gained a lot of weight in a short period, then it can be a health issue (I can vouch for this one)  which needs to be looked at by a medical doctor, or something has happened and the woman has turned to food as a coping mechanism.  In this case, this woman’s marriage is on shaky ground after an affair and one of the other ladies has spread a rumor about physical abuse.  This is very stressful and unsurprising that this woman turned to food.

When I’m not feeling good enough, what to do?  Start another diet/exercise program!

I see this one on social media A LOT.  Women who are overwhelmed, overcommitted, doing too much, stressed, lonely and not feeling enough tend to constantly post on social media about their lives for attention and validation. It never fails that there is always some new meal plan and exercise program that they are starting to show that they are all in on self improvement.

This is no accident because the marketers have crafted the message that your problems lie in the fact that you have gained weight and once you make the transformation, then you will be enough and life will be perfect.

It also provides people with a distraction to not focus on what’s really bothering them which is the overwhelm, over commitment, doing too much, stressed, lonely, and not feeling enough.

The whole point of Health, Fitness, and Wellness is to FEEL GOOD.

One of my Steps to Self Care is to Have Fun and Enjoy Life!  That’s what Health, Fitness, and Wellness is supposed to be about.  It’s supposed to be about building your confidence (do more than you think you can do), personal growth and development, and giving you the strength, stamina, and energy to ENJOY your daily life.

Instead it’s become about breaking your body down until you can barely walk to PUNISH yourself, eating terribly boring food, a measuring stick of how much you suck today compared to 20 years ago, unrealistic expectations, and such a burden that people don’t even want to do it.

The industry has corrupted the original intent of physical fitness which is to help people FEEL THEIR BEST AND LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE.

Eating well and exercising is self care and not self loathing

I felt so badly for the woman on my show because it’s obvious that she needs some help for managing her emotions and to care for herself.  She doesn’t need anymore encouragement to be unkind to herself.

She is clearly still traumatized from her husband’s affair and that is devastating to anyone’s self esteem so I don’t think it was helpful for this trainer guy to ask her how her husband feels about her weight gain because he is so fit and a rockstar.

Yeah that’s really helpful and will help her to care for herself.

When you’re in the miry pit, you don’t feel like you deserve to care for yourself because you are so self loathing.

As a health/fitness professional, I am committed to telling people that they need to feed their bodies the nutrients it deserves as well to exercise regularly to keep their energy and vitality up.  It’s not a form of punishment.  It is vital to your well being and doing what you’ve been called into your life to do: whether that’s to be a wife, mother, professional, executive, athlete, etc.

Any loving parent would not allow their child to eat garbage all day and sit around doing nothing because it’s not good for them.  Same goes for us as adults

It’s time to get real:  The Weight is not the real issue

I don’t care what people try to tell me:  The Weight is not the real issue.

Trainers who just focus on meal plans and exercise will get results for a minute but it won’t be sustainable because often these types of trainers cannot be bothered with ongoing support because really it’s all about the sale and not the person.  Their answer is:  It’s just get over it and eat the broccoli.

To be fair, many of these people have issues of their own dealing with: low self esteem, body dysmorphia and disordered eating so they are unable to really get at the root of the issue because you can only lead people as far as you’ve led yourself..

Keep in mind: I do understand our scope of practice as health and wellness professionals and that we are not therapists but if you’re not dealing with personal development when it comes to training, your clients will ultimately fail, they will also leave and not come back.

Where does this leave us?

It leaves us with a message that desperately needs to change: Buy this program because you’re fat and that’s why your husband is going to leave you or why your life sucks.

It’s time to get back to basics:

  • Health and Fitness about helping people to live their best lives and to feel good while doing it.
  • Health and Fitness is not about self loathing (I’m not good enough) but Self Care (I’m doing this so that I can go out and live my life)
  • Health and Fitness is not supposed to be a burden.  It’s supposed to make our lives better
  • Trying to do health and fitness without Personal Development is like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound.

Keep reading this space for more tips on just how to do that and make sure to sign up for my e-mail list for weekly recipes, fit tips, and to be kept in the loop!