Is She Really Going Out With Him? by Sophie Cousens is an enemies-to-lovers romantic comedy, but it is also a great book about self-discovery and healing. Within the first few pages, it was obvious that the characters Anna Appleby and Will Havers were going to end up together. Author Sophie Cousens writes Anna and Will’s story with nuance and humor, and it didn’t follow the usual enemies-to-lovers trope. The beauty of the story lies in the characters’ journey as they process their hurts and disappointments over past failed relationships.

 Anna Appleby is a writer and mum rebuilding her life after her divorce, and Will Havers is the single hot guy at work who has had his own romantic disappointments. Anna is healing from her divorce and finding herself again after losing herself in her marriage.

While Anna lost herself in marriage and raising her family, I have learned that marriage isn’t the only way we can lose ourselves. We can lose ourselves in work, groups, hobbies, and trying to keep up a particular image. I lost myself getting deeply involved in a church, and after leaving, I feel like I am starting to come alive again. Like Anna, I am remembering activities I enjoyed and even what it feels like to be energized in my body again.

Authenticity and Honesty

I do like the way the author, Sophie Cousens, wrote about Anna and her ex-husband’s divorce. Cousins did not write the divorce as one person being totally at fault and the other person being totally in the right. Divorce is messy and complicated, and it’s usually not just about one thing. Sometimes married couples grow apart because people evolve and aren’t right for one another anymore. They realize that they are no longer compatible, and it is time to move on.

I have never been married, and one reason I have shunned marriage is that I see it as an impediment to growth. Intellectually, I know the opposite is true. The most significant growth I would experience would be merging my life with someone else and not just focusing on myself, but that merge would have to come with clear value and reciprocity for me. I need to know how my partner would add value to my life and make it better. My question to any potential partner would be, Why should I give up my life for you?

I don’t know how people determine that someone is worth giving up their life for, because while that sounds dramatic, that is what a long-term partnership is about. It’s not about what I want anymore, but what is best for the partnership. I would imagine that if neither party is living authentically, but playing a role of who they think they should be, and if they are dishonest about what they truly desire in the relationship, that is when resentment begins to take root, and loving the other person becomes harder.

While reflecting on her failed marriage, Anna’s character states that loving reluctantly and being loved reluctantly doesn’t feel good. I found that line about loving reluctantly and being loved reluctantly compelling, and I reflected on my own experience of being “interested” in someone because of proximity. I convinced myself that there was something there because that is all that was available. Yet I know if I were in a space where I was authentically myself, that wouldn’t have ever happened. Loving reluctantly and being loved reluctantly does not feel good, and neither does attraction by proximity. Authenticity and honesty are key in healthy relationships.

While most romantic comedies are written from the woman’s point of view (since that is the audience for romantic comedies), author Sophie Cousins does a great job of giving insight into why there is more to Will Havers’ Playboy hot guy image than meets the eye. This is important because I don’t believe we give enough airtime to the pain men feel from their relationship failures. We don’t dig deeper into men’s childhoods or the adverse experiences that may have shaped how they view relationships, or how certain life events have impacted their self-worth. It’s easy to write a man off and diminish them to a stereotype before getting to know his story.

Come Alive!!

Part of the fun of this book is watching Anna slowly come alive again. Like Anna, I want to come alive again. For ten years, I have been fading to black, and then, for the last five years, it seems I have gone numb and just been going through the motions of life.

I love how the author captures that finding yourself and coming alive isn’t about one significant, massive effort. It’s saying yes and making small changes like buying new underwear! While I haven’t bought new underwear (yet), I have been slowly but surely making small changes like pulling out my old clothes, listening to my old music, and doing things I enjoy like watching TV shows, going to live shows, and even remembering what it feels like to be attracted to someone. Come on, YouTube! When I tell you I have been in the wilderness, I mean it.

Is She Really Going Out With Him? does a great job of reminding readers that life is not over after a relationship ends. Life is not over after a marriage ends. This book does a good job of asking different questions that people who are trying to rebuild their lives post-divorce may be asking:

How do you deal with your ex-partner’s new relationship?

How do you process the disappointment of the end of the relationship?

How do you not become closed off because you are afraid of disappointment?

All you gotta do is, “Say Yes”

Anna is working on a column for the magazine she works for, focusing on dating. Anna’s kids get to pick her dates, and some of their picks are downright crazy, but the point is that if you want a new life, then you need to start doing new things. I recently heard a quote that said the fastest way to become old is to stop having new experiences.

If Anna hadn’t said yes to the weird matches her kids suggested, she would have missed out on incredible friendships and the chance to build a new community.

This is a lesson for all of us: if we want to spice up our lives, we need to start saying yes instead of trying to figure out why it won’t work. One of my Fate Tests for Fall Push 2025 is to Say Yes to something you usually wouldn’t because that is where we find adventure and growth. And for me, when I do something that is out of my comfort zone, it always seems like I come away with a funny story.

As a single person, it is so easy to get caught up in routines and stuck in ruts because nobody is telling you not to. One of the reasons my life has been so boring these last few years is that I am boring. I haven’t been taking risks; I haven’t been taking chances; I have been playing it safe, and it has been BORING.

No more of this. I am making a point of saying yes to things I usually wouldn’t and even trashing some of my long-held assumptions, which brings me to my main takeaway from this book. If you meet someone with whom you are compatible and connect, don’t try to figure out all the logistics. Anna and Will had many obstacles to overcome when it came to pursuing a relationship, but the truth is, if you want to make it work, you will.

When it came to relationships, I had this idea that if I followed a formula and checked off certain boxes, I would protect myself from disappointment and be safe; that was a lie. In the book, Anna and her ex-husband followed the formula, checking off boxes for marrying after university, becoming professionals, and having children, but their relationship didn’t work out. I know many people like this. They did things the “right way” according to their church or their families, and their relationships still didn’t make it.

I am beginning to think the “right way” looks different for everyone, but the only thing that stays the same is the work each person must put in to make their relationship work.

The bottom line is that we don’t know how our love stories will end, but we don’t want to regret not saying yes because it isn’t what we expect, and it fits perfectly with our checkmarks.

The next time someone asks, “Is She Really Going With Him?”

I’m going to say yes

Who knows what is on the other side?