While the rest of the United States was sizzling due to record-setting heatwaves during the summer of 2025, the city of San Francisco seemed confused about what month it was. It resembled January and February more than June and July. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, the first two months of “summer” in the city brought more days in the 50s than the 70s. In July, San Francisco notched one of the wettest Julys on record. I work in the westernmost part of the city by the ocean, and the weather was simply miserable. Every day was gray and misty. The nicknames June Gloom, No Sky July, and Fog-ust were well-earned. “Will we ever see the sun again?” we all wondered.  The weather matched my mood, and I began calling it ‘The Summer of the Doldrums.’   Merriam-Webster defines the doldrums as a spirit of listlessness or despondency and a state or period of inactivity, stagnation, or slump.

We have a winner, folks! This is precisely how the summer felt for me, and I felt as if I was beginning to become depressed as I processed regrets and a lack of fulfillment in my life. Then, about a week before my birthday, I had a dream that stirred an awakening in me.

The biggest regret of my adult life

I started 2025 with intense optimism about searching for a new job. My resume was getting through to hiring teams, I was taking assessment tests and doing well, and then they started sending out interest forms for open positions. Even though the job notifications said that experience was not necessary, I realized I didn’t have the experience the hiring teams were looking for. I knew that if I could get to the interview to explain how I am eager to learn and grow, I would have a chance. However, my lack of experience took me out of the running before I could reach the interview point, and I became discouraged.

I began to voice a thought I’ve had for a long time and never said out loud until now: I regret my career choice.

If I could do it all again, I would choose a career that is more intellectually stimulating, financially lucrative, and offers opportunities for advancement. In many ways, I have settled, and this has had a profound impact on my entire life. If I had to pick the biggest mistake of my adult life, it would be my career choice. I regret not quitting training fifteen years ago when the economy was in a better place, because at least then I would have had ten years of a skill set to be competitive in what is now a horrific job market. I spoke with a career coach a while ago who advised against listing “personal trainer” on my resume, as she implied it wasn’t a good look for hiring managers. This confirmed my worst fears that training was not considered a “real job” by most employers, and I was at a disadvantage when it came to looking for employment. Years ago, I thought I would be able to pivot to the corporate side of the business, but the fitness business shifted, and that wasn’t an option. So here I am now in my forties, in the worst job market in a long time, and I am not a competitive candidate. Even as I write this, I find myself growing increasingly despondent about finding my next job. I know that I don’t want to settle again.

I am not one of those people who think that work should always be fun, because it is, in fact, work. However, working in gyms, there has always been a specific energy in the gym environment that is upbeat, fun, and provides a sense of community. Even now, when I go to my gym for early morning workouts, people are chatting, laughing, and we say Good Morning to one another. This is all happening before 7 AM. Gyms should not resemble mortuaries, where the overall atmosphere is dark, and people can hardly wait to leave.

I am living through a season of transition, which can be unfulfilling because there is a lot of shoulda, coulda, woulda.  Because there is so much uncertainty about the future, I am constantly ruminating over my choices and lamenting the time and opportunities I have squandered. This is all magnified because I feel like I am stuck and not moving forward. I am also transitioning in my personal life. I am liberating myself from rigid belief systems and letting go of my preconceived notions about life’s formulas.

Getting honest about depression

If you’ve read this far, then I hope I haven’t brought you down, but you can probably tell that I am experiencing depressive symptoms. Depression is different for everyone, and it looks different depending on the individual. I wonder if one of my depressive symptoms is manifesting itself as boredom. I recently told someone that I have never been this bored in my life. Every day is so repetitive and stagnant. When I was asked, “What is your vision for the future?” All I could think of was getting a new job and hopefully getting a chance to travel. Other than that, I got nothing else. The past ten years have been filled with disappointment, and frankly, I don’t have the energy to be hopeful only to be let down again.

Of course, on top of everything else, I am still grieving the loss of my mother. Most people think that’s my only source of depressive symptoms, but it’s not. The past decade has been a downward spiral marked by disappointment. My mother’s death was the culmination of that disappointment.

I needed to get myself together, and so I inquired about when it would be time to reach out to my Primary Care Physician for antidepressants. After discussing my symptoms, I acknowledged that this is a slump, and it won’t last forever. In the meantime, there are natural strategies that I can do to help these depressive symptoms.

Natural Strategies for Depressive Symptoms

Cold water blast at the end of my showers – The first few times I did this, I lasted about twenty seconds, but I am getting better. I’ve read that this invigorates us and makes us feel alive. So far, it has given me a jolt, and I am willing to continue trying it.

St. John’s Wort – This herb is helpful for mild depression. I will start with a half dose for two weeks before increasing to the full dose for the next four weeks. So far, it has been too early to tell. I have read that St John’s Wort can react with other medications. I am not on any other meds at this time, but you should always check with your doctor before taking any other meds.

Vitamins – I usually take Magnesium, Vitamin D, and B12 vitamins, but for some reason, I stopped. With the horrible weather, I should not have stopped taking Vitamin D, and so I feel better since I started retaking my vitamins.

A Shift: I had a dream, and I was awakened.

Now, here is where it gets interesting: I was exhausted, bored, and in the doldrums.

On August 8, 2025, I had a dream where I saw a name printed clearly in Black and White. I knew the name and had not thought of it in many years.

I woke up that next morning, and my first response was, “How odd. Where on earth did THAT come from?” So, I did what anyone would do after waking up from a bizarre dream about a name they hadn’t thought of in many years: I went straight to Google. It took me five minutes to find what I was looking for, and at first, I sighed heavily because the information I found confirmed to me how much my life sucks.

Then I said, “Wait a Minute Now!”

Throughout the entire summer, I have been swimming in the ocean of regret, feeling exhausted, hopeless, and stuck. That dream reminded me of a time when that wasn’t so. This was a period when I was undergoing a phase of intense discovery and significant life change. I began to perk up. When I stopped making it about myself, I was filled with joy to see someone who is an absoloute gem of a human being doing so well. Some people deserve all the good things. I burst out laughing, remembering the ridiculousness of that period in my life. Perhaps I can experience that joy, discovery, and growth again, and now that I am older and wiser, I will not take it for granted. I also thought, “All I have been doing is complaining about settling and regrets, but when I am honest with myself, I have the juice. I can pick a winner.”

That dream marked the beginning of a significant shift. No, I don’t know what that dream means, and I’m not interested in exploring it any further because I want to be liberated from assigning meaning to everything and looking for the formula. I want to let it be.

The bizarre dream gave me a jolt out of the doldrums. My day-to-day life has not changed, and I am still working on my job search, but a small bit of vigor has been restored. In the last ten years, I have been lulled to sleep by fear, stagnation, boredom, comfort, anxiety, depression, and grief. I have been awakened. This dream was a significant shift in the right direction. I need to remind myself that this season will pass, and it will get better.

The weather in San Francisco has also improved, and we have had consecutive sunny days. It has been so wonderful to be out in the sunshine. If we wait long enough, then the sun will eventually come out.  Complaining, moaning, and groaning didn’t bring it out.  The sun eventually came out when it was time for it to come out.   As they say in church, “THAT’LL PREACH”

The beauty of recording a story in real time is that I don’t know what will happen next. Often, certain events that we know are significant will not make sense until we look back on them.

Stay tuned!