Long after our hopes were dashed of a quick end to the 2020 Pandemic, I remember talking to people about what I was most looking forward to doing when the restrictions were loosened.  When vaccinations started to increase and restrictions began to loosen in California, I expected to have a full social calendar but that didn’t happen.  I assumed we would all be jumping at the chance to go out to dinner and make up for the lost year but that did not happen.

I just didn’t feel like it.  I didn’t want to get up, go out, wear a mask, and try to talk myself into having a good time.  A lot of social interactions felt forced. As California started tightening restrictions again due to rising cases during the summer, I just didn’t want to be bothered with any of it anymore.

I was also surprised because I thought that once restrictions were loosened that people would be ready to get back into the swing of things but that wasn’t the case. Even though businesses were reopening, a lot of people were still staying in and there wasn’t a mad dash to get back out into life.

Languishing

I started hearing the term “languishing” and it seemed to match the feelings I was having.  I wasn’t feeling anxious, depressed or hopeless but I did feel “blah” and I wasn’t all that interested in restarting my social life.

Sociologist Corey Keyes first coined the term languishing as the antithesis of flourishing. “Languishing is apathy, a sense of restlessness or feeling unsettled or an overall lack of interest in life or the things that typically bring you joy,” says Shemiah Derrick, a licensed professional counselor, and certified alcohol and drug counselor. (Source Verywell Mind)

According to Keyes, Languishing is not depression or sadness, but rather “the absence of feeling good about your life.” Languishing is also the lack of meaning, purpose, or belonging in life, which leads to emptiness, lack of emotion, and stagnation, he says.

Languishing shows up differently for everyone.  I’ve noticed people who used to be very social becoming more isolated and not coming to events anymore.  I’ve noticed others who suffer from anxiety being fearful to do anything because they are so afraid of catching Covid even though they’ve been vaccinated and don’t know anyone who has been sick or died.

They’re waiting for everything to be 100% safe (which won’t happen) before living life again but as UCSF Infectious Disease Dr. Monica Gandhi says that if you’re vaccinated you can have that now especially if you’re in an area with high vaccination rates and low community spread.

One of the ways Languishing showed up for me was too much time on social media sites like Twitter.  I was spending time on social media to dissociate myself from the lack of control I felt at not being able to get up and go to the gym or out to dinner without worrying about restrictions.

Everyone will need to address how languishing is showing up for them and deal with it at their own pace, but here’s one thing that needs to stop happening.  We need to stop trying to make fetch happen by forcing our way back into Pre Pandemic Life.

Read the Room

There appear to be two responses to the feeling of languishing that we are collectively experiencing.  The first response is to read the room and acknowledge that people are languishing, sit with it, acknowledge that life has changed, and be patient with one another as we come to terms with how we’re going to move forward.

The second response is to ignore the room and attempt to force people into pre-pandemic life by trying to pick right back up where we left off in 2019 and pretend as if nothing has happened.

At this time the there is a serious need to Read the Room because we are tired. Many of us do not have the energy to be at full throttle for events.  Many people have lost loved ones, jobs, businesses, and homes.  It’s hard enough to our keep heads above water let alone pour out energy into tons of activities.

I have heard of multiple events where organizers are finding lower numbers and less interest compared to previous years.  This should not be surprising for several reasons.  Many people are still discerning about which events they are going out to, they don’t want to go to events where they have to be masked for hours,  and many are still trying to get back into the routine of wearing real pants!

I believe part of the reason we’re languishing is that we have not properly processed and lamented all that happened in 2020. Not only were we dealing with the virus, we had very real economic implications from shutdowns (The fitness studio where I trained clients closed permanently), children missing school, social unrest, political hyperpolarization, a chaotic election, and a year that was basically lost.

With all of this in less than a year, of course people aren’t hyped to just jump back into the fray.

Get to The Root

There isn’t a lot of certainty right now but one thing is certain: Times are uncertain.

In times of uncertainty, there is a rise in anxiety and those with a history of anxiety and depression are especially vulnerable to languishing.

According to Leela R. Magavi, MD, a Johns Hopkins-trained adult, adolescent, and child psychiatrist and regional medical director for Community Psychiatry, “Individuals with a history of depression and anxiety or who are genetically predisposed to psychiatric conditions are more prone to languishing than others.”

If you’re languishing, then I would encourage you to get to the root of the issue.  Many people found that their jobs weren’t a good fit and that’s why they joined, “The Great Resignation”.  Others realized that their relationships weren’t working  because compared to 2020, the COVID-19 crisis has triggered a nearly 21% increase in divorce agreements initiated by couples in 2021. (Source Yahoo Finance)

After getting to the root of the issue, get a change of scenery.  Get away if you can or at least go out and do something you enjoyed pre-pandemic.

Of course as a healthy lifestyle blogger I’m going to encourage you to cut back on the alcohol, sugar, and take out.  Eat fresh foods, get exercising, and get outside in the fresh air!

If you really find yourself beginning to struggle, then don’t be ashamed to reach out to mental health professionals for help.

Give it a Rest

Let me talk to leaders and organizations right now: Give it and us a rest.

We don’t need MORE to do. We need to maintain what we are doing and then add on  as life regains normalcy.

While I do not advocate isolating and doing nothing during this time.  I do think leaders of organizations and those who expect everyone to jump right back into the fray need to give it a rest.

Nobody wants to do heavy events right now that will take lots of time and energy.  I recently went to a concert and it was great!  It was packed and everyone enjoyed themselves.  It was fun to get back into listening to live music again and I think as we come out of this pandemic,   live music, art, theater, movies, sports, and community events  will be the types of events that we will gravitate toward.

We need to give ourselves permission to go out and have enjoyable experiences with great people.

Events where people are soliciting for money, debating heavy topics, have no intentionality behind them, or those that are overstimulating with too much going on are likely not going to have high interest or attendance. Organizers need to use wisdom and be intentional when creating events. Just because you’ve had an event for the last 100 years doesn’t mean that it needs to continue on especially if there is a lack of enthusiasm around it.

Organizers must read the room, ask what people need, and then CREATE  those experiences instead of trying to FORCE experiences upon people.

We’re tired.

Give it a Rest.