This may seem like an odd topic for a Health and Wellness Lifestyle Blog but I believe that it is extremely relevant when discussing WHY most people are not successful with living healthier lives.

I think the entire fitness industry has it all wrong.  While they think the key to success is meal plans, exercises, and supplements I think the key to transformation is what’s in between your ears.  Noted neuropsychologist Daniel Amen says the same thing.  He says that “Weight Loss happens between your ears”

Weight Loss happens between your ears. – Daniel Amen.

I wanted to write this because I think SHAME is what is holding many people back from becoming successful.  I have heard it said that GUILT is about what you have done and SHAME is about who you are.

The driving force of shame is to make people think that they are not enough.

Shame makes people feel as if they are NOT good enough.

Shame labels people as: Fat, Lazy, Failure, Uncommitted, Screw Up, Bad Mom, Bad Wife, Ugly, etc.

Shame drives people to pretend that they don’t eat very much at all when they are in public but in secret they are bingeing.

Shame encourages people to constantly post on social media begging for validation and likes so that they can feel as if someone values them and is paying attention to them.

Shame can be the motivator to develop disordered eating habits and over exercising because if, “I just had the perfect body then I would be enough.”

Shame and Emotional Eating

The entire diet culture is based upon shame.  Geneen Roth says it so well in Women Food and God

We treat ourselves and the rest of the world as if deprivation, punishment and shame lead to change.  We treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the only acceptable outcome is annihilation.

That’s how I felt when I was on the diet train to nowhere.  If I ate a “bad food” or missed a work out then I was a bad person.  I felt shame.  I was afraid I was going to lose all of my progress.  I wasn’t as good as the people who NEVER missed a workout.

What happened when I did get to my lowest weight…didn’t get on stage but got to my lowest weight.  I still felt shame because I knew it was unsustainable. I could not continue on like I was going and I felt shame because I did not make my goal of competing.

Geneen Roth again says it perfectly in Women Food and God:

Because if you force and deprive and shame yourself into being thin, you end up a deprived, shamed, and fearful person who will also be thin for ten minutes.  Losing weight on any program in which you tell yourself that left to your real impulses you would devour the universe is like building a skyscraper on sand: without a real foundation the new structure collapses.

That is how I felt coming off of what ended up being a learning experience and that is why I am so against dieting.  People who have issues with food need to attack the issues first and then the food follows.  So many people secretly struggle with binge eating issues in private and that causes tremendous shame.  Until people are able to openly confront these issues, they will dabble in this and that program until life happens again and it will be back to binge eating in secret again.

Diet Culture is meant to shame you into believing you are not enough and to buy whatever they are selling in order to rid yourself of that shame.  However the only way to rid yourself of that shame is to dig deep and face what is really bothering you.
For me and so many others it was that persistent idea of shame that we were not enough and we needed to diet ourselves to get to Perfection, a place that is not even on the map.

 

Shame and the Fitness Industry

Part of the Fitness Industry’s marketing technique is to shame people into getting into weight loss.  You should feel shame about your body and then when you lose weight (after using whatever product they are selling), they give you the false promise that you will lose the shame about who you are…except you won’t.

The whole trick of shame is to keep reinforcing that you aren’t enough so even if you lose weight and your mind is still in the shame mode, you will just find new ways to try to validate yourself or prove you are enough.

Living Unashamed

One of the reasons I’m so candid and transparent about my ups and downs when it comes to my own fitness journey is because I want to live out loud and live unashamed.

It’s frustrating to have set a goal of doing a fitness competition, NOT accomplish the goal, and then deal with the after effects of a slowed metabolism.  Yes I will be honest that sometimes I do feel shame at the 25 pound weight gain but it is what it is.  I’m not going to live in shame.  I’m going to keep my healthy lifestyle going and come what may.

Because of this whole experience I learned a LOT about dieting, metabolism, coaching, and mindset. I learned why we need to teach women to stop dieting and start living unashamed.

Being Unashamed in the Fitness Industry

I have been so proud to see people in the Fitness Industry living unashamed and telling their experiences. I read a fabulous post by a woman who said that when she was at her leanest EVERYBODY in the gym wanted to train with her because she had an, “Awesome Body”.  What they didn’t know was that she had an eating disorder, was taking Amphetamines to stay alert and on top of things, and felt like her life was out of control.  All they saw was an “awesome body”.  People did not know the cost to get there.

When she finally ended her eating disorder nightmare and put back on weight during the healing process, some of the comments she had to endure were pretty insensitive but she did not allow her weight gain to make her live her life in shame.  She told her story and why you should not look at someone’s body and think that makes them qualified about fitness or determines their ability as an industry professional.

I’ve heard from others who have decided to come out about struggles with body dysmorphia, disordered eating issues, and the decision to be unashamed in a superficial and shallow industry CANNOT be minimized.

Never once have I thought in the past 6 months that I am any less qualified to coach or teach because of this extra 25 pounds.  In fact, I think it has made me a MUCH BETTER coach and teacher because I have been motivated to learn about the effects of dieting on metabolism and understand the real way to help people get to sustainable long term results.

I would be lying if I said I did not occasionally feel shame and as if I have failed because I’ve put on weight and my pants don’t fit but I refuse to hide in my house or stop doing what I’m doing.  True, I’m bored with the gym scene and enjoying home workouts and perhaps shame may be a small reason I’m burnt out but I refuse to let shame keep me hidden and I for sure refuse to let shame drive me to give up.

My Fitness Journey has not led me into shame but motivated me to Live Out Loud and share my story.

You can choose to Live Unashamed

The First Step is to admit you are ashamed.  It’s to admit whatever secret shame you’re carrying around.  It may not be food related.  It could be the label you’re carrying around from shame:  Failure, Loser, Fat, Ugly, Bad Mom, Bad Parent, Worthless, etc.  The First step is to admit it and then renounce it.

Admit it, Renounce it, and then move forward whether that’s to therapy or whatever next step is on your healing journey.

As I learned in the Mindset Performance Institute:  Success is about getting rid of what’s holding you back and I believe that SHAME is one of the key factors that keeps people stuck.

It’s time to Give Up dieting for Good and to let go of shame.  You are enough.

P.S.

If you are looking for accountability and practical wellness information, then join my private Facebook Group.  Fiercely Fit Lifestyle Community.  It’s where we do our challenges and also where you can find a supportive group who wants to LIVE BETTER.