Molly Galbraith of Girls Gone Stong (pictured above) has been receiving a lot of love lately for her message about loving herself unconditionally no matter what she weighs. I chose her as a Woman We Love Wednesday because a lot of what she says resonates with me. We both work in the fitness industry, she actually competed in figure competitions, she had a rebound weight gain experience and had to go through the journey to self acceptance. In an interview with People magazine she said the following and it resonated very strongly with me because I felt the exact same way.
“I always felt if I could just get there, if I could just have a flat stomach, if I could just lose x-number of pounds, then I could be happy. But I got there and it wasn’t enough.”
I’ll be Happy When….
The goal of advertising is to make you think that when you buy whatever product is being sold you will go from miserable to happy. “Does your Life suck? Buy this new gizmo and then life will suck less!”
In the Health and Fitness industry people love to use this one:
“When you lose weight and get to your desired size, then you will be happy. All your dreams will come true. Everything you want in life is not happening because you are overweight and a big fat loser…so lose weight and become a winner like this naked person in this ad.”
I can talk about this first hand because I thought that, “I will be happy when I get onstage in a fitness competition and look the part. My business will take off and things will begin to go right.”
In 2014 I learned a very big lesson: It doesn’t matter.
I was the lowest weight I had ever been and nothing changed except I was hungrier and starting to develop disordered eating habits. True, I did not get onstage but the lesson was clear: My happiness nor my success was NOT connected to that number on the scale. I even began to question what I was doing and why I was doing it. Was I seeking validation? Was I seeking approval? You can read all about the journey on this blog under NPC Figure Competition Journey 2014.
Lowest Weight during the figure journey.
Like Molly I got there and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough because I didn’t think I was enough.
I learned that I’ll be Happy when I Learn that I am enough.
When did I find my happy?
I found my happy when I realized that I was enough. Who cared if I was a few pounds heavier? That didn’t mean I was any less deserving of living a FIERCELY FIT life or enjoying myself. I could have all I wanted…right now because my weight or any other shallow criteria did not define who I was.
I had some pretty empowering experiences last year and not one time did the people ask how much I weighed. They didn’t ask what size clothes I wore or any of that nonsense. Do you know why? It didn’t matter. I have to tell you these experiences were VISION BOARD quality and I thought, “How silly to reduce myself and all that I am to surface level criteria. There is so much more to life!”
When I think about the women I admire in Fitness like Tycie Coppett (pictured below) and what I like about her is her humility and positivity. Other people look great onstage but what I like about her has little to nothing to do with what she looks like. It’s about the HUMAN BEING.
3rd Best Women’s Physique in the World: Tycie Coppet!
Understanding this concept was enough to convince me that my job was not to tell people that their lives would be transformed because they lost weight. My job was to tell them that they needed to transform their lifestyle and losing weight would be a byproduct.
Before and After Transformations can be very dramatic and inspiring but as we say, “What about the after After?” and “At what cost?” I would not be willing to go back to that picture of myself above if it meant having my mind the way it was. No way and No how.
Letting go of the, “I’ll be happy when…” syndrome
Last week there was the $1.5 Billion Powerball. It was fun to imagine what we would do with all of that money but I kept hearing people say, “If I had all of that money, then I would be happy.” Really? How about no. As the Notorious B.I.G, Diddy, and Ma$e once said, “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems”.
There used to be a television show on called, “The Lottery Ruined my Life”. People had sudden great riches and most lost it all because they had no clue how to manage it and they still had a lot of the same problems. Side note: The most infuriating episode was a man who invested his winnings in a Teepee Hotel. I wanted to throw my shoe at the television.
If you’re not at a place where you accept who you are and believe that you’re enough: losing weight, coming into a big sum of money, meeting your dream person will not last because you will self sabotage your success. Unconsciously you do not believe that you are enough for what you want and you will find some way to lose it.
What does this have to do with Health and Fitness?
This has everything to do with Health and Fitness
If you’re embarking upon a weight loss program because you think you’ll be happy when you lose weight, then I want to save you the disappointment. You won’t be any happier. As I learned and as Molly said, You’ll get there and it won’t be enough.
If you unconsciously believe that you will only be deserving of happiness when you get to a particular goal and that you are not enough now, then you will not be successful long term.
It’s true. The same doubts, fears, and insecurities you had when you were heavier, then you will still have them if you lose weight and maybe even more. That’s why I’m over having weight loss be a goal. I want people to focus on lifestyle transformation. It’s not about chasing numbers on a scale, getting caught up in having a “perfect” body, or chasing a moving target. It’s about paying attention to details such as: nutrition, exercise, sleep, and stress levels so that you can feel your absolute best and enJOY your life.
Now THAT sounds like a recipe for Happy to me!
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