Last weekend On Saturday July 5, I was ready to quit life.

OK I’m being dramatic but I was ready to give up on everything in my life that I have been believing for and investing in.  It wasn’t just the fitness competition but EVERYTHING else.  If you’re interested in spirituality and such, then you can read my blog about my spiritual journey where I talk about this more in depth.

But last Saturday I was just ready to give up for several reasons.

1) I decided I didn’t look like any of the people on Instagram who compete and I am wasting my time, energy, and money on something that most likely will not happen.  I also decided that even if I make it to the get onstage part, then I will get up and look like a fool because I do not look like anybody’s figure competitor.

2) After the meltdown on Sunday and a few Teddy Grahams on the Fourth of July Night, I decided that I did not have the stuff it takes to make it through the contest prep process and I can’t do it because it’s going to get harder and I’m just going to keep failing.

3) Nothing seems to be happening – I feel like I am doing all of this believing and working and nothing is happening.  No excitement at the gym…nothing is happening and I’m just fooling myself so I should give up and just stick to stalking Simeon Panda on social media.  This would be a great place to have him make his debut on my blog because

a) it’s my blog
b) I believe in putting your vision down on paper.
c) It’s my blog and I can do what I want

I wonder why there aren’t people like him at my gym, but with my track record this is probably for the best because I most likely would be hauled down to 850 Bryant on harassment charges.

Simeon Panda

You know Simeon Panda sure is fine AND he has a British accent.  I would have to pull out  the old school for this one.  Prince of course… U got the Look!  U got the Hook!  Sho nuff do be cooking in my book!  Ya face is jamming!  Ya body’s hecka slamming.

Even Rick James is necessary for this one:  There’s no dictionary book to say how you look. Holy Smokes and Gee whiz! COLD BLOODED!

OK I am getting totally off track here…Where was I?  Oh right…Giving up.

Sigh.

So the first order of business was to acknowledge that I was feeling this way, reflect, and move on.

Acknowledging the Feelings

Rather than resisting the feelings, I decided to acknowledge that I felt this way.  I didn’t try to muster any faux bravado and say some empty cliche catch phrases.

The truth was:  I was feeling discouraged and defeated.  Why was I feeling this way?

First I was comparing myself to others and that’s always a great way to get into the pits.
I also stumbled (again) so I didn’t feel like it was worth trying anymore.
I acknowledged it.  I didn’t judge it but I acknowledged it.
I also didn’t waste my time justifying the way I felt.  I acknowledged that’s how I felt and I had to be in that space because it was where I was and trying to pretend otherwise wasn’t facing reality.

During the workout to keep myself encouraged, I was journaling in between sets.  I would write some encouraging mantras.  I also wrote how I was feeling but I kept going.

I asked myself what would happen if I gave up. I knew that I would feel even WORSE about myself so that wasn’t an alternative.

Reflecting

When I got home from the gym, I decided to spend some time reflecting.  I looked over the journal I have been keeping of this experience.  I have come such a long way and there have been so many a-ha moments and growth opportunities along the way.  I reflected and read some encouraging materials that addressed the waiting and endurance process.  It helped to confirm a lot of what I was feeling was normal and I felt reassured about where I am in my journey

Moving On

I decided that I wasn’t camping in the wilderness of defeat and discouragement.  I was out of there.  All of meals were on point Saturday and Sunday I got up to do my cardio and had one of the best sessions I’ve had.
On Sunday I received encouragement not to give up and to keep going.  I also received my mantra for this week and probably the rest of the contest prep (no matter how long it is)
TO HELL WITH GIVING UP!
So I’ve moved on from wanting to give up in this moment and I’m moving forward.  Before it’s all said and done, I will probably want to quit again but the vision is too great, the desire is too deep, and I’ve come too far to give up just because it’s taking longer than I thought.

Don’t Stop Believing

My job is to believe.  Point Blank and the period.

When you believe the vision, the dream, and the desire it all flows from there.  Your actions will flow from that place because there isn’t another choice. It’s about my belief that this is an important mark on my journey and I am going to finish it.
So if you have a dream or vision within I am encouraging you to keep going.  It doesn’t have to be health or fitness related, but if there’s something that you feel is calling your name and you want to do it.  Go for it and don’t give up.
Your job is to believe it will happen no matter how discouraging it is, how it seems that there are no results, or it doesn’t seem worth it. You must be unrelenting in your belief and vision otherwise discouragement, defeat, and giving up are imminent and your dreams will die.  Then what?
TO HELL WITH GIVING UP.
See you onstage.